Where is God in this?

Having to wait for something without knowing the outcome can be both quite daunting and exciting. I mean in our context, a day before our VCE Scores, it must be quite frightening for some of us, well for me at least. 

So I begin the journey of numbing myself and thinking of ways to isolate myself when a "something point something" gets released to all my fellow classmates, friends and church buddies. I run through a billion times in my head the way I would wake up tomorrow and how I would react to whatever score comes at me. 

And this got me kinda thinking, what happens to me after I receive the number?  Would I be any different to the person I already am?

But what I really was afraid of asking myself, was "what kind of future do I have for myself?". I was not directly pondering about the Score but the future of courses, life and friends. 

This all happened in the span of an early Wednesday Morning during one of the training sessions. As I was persecuting myself for not having the right answer to life, I notice the person opposite me. He was seventeen, smokes, doesn't go to school, hardly knows about the concept of God and don't really know what his future looks like. I mean He lives day by day training his ass off hoping to get somewhere but only Four people out of lots and lots of people get to represent China and make heaps of money. So as I compared myself to him, which is really bad and unchristian, I wondered what my future would be like compared to his. Would I become richer than him? have kids? be better than him in Table Tennis?. All these thoughts came into my head, and it made me happy for a second or rather it made me evil with content. 

All this brought me back to God, somehow. Among all the things I was thinking of, something really pressed on my heart.  That is no matter, how we go about things in our lives, God has a plan for us. And though we may not see it, some more convoluted than others like the ping pong kid. We need to know that he is there and he has something for us, something perfect in his eyes.
So I came out of that training, thinking that "right no matter what I get, I know its part of God's plan".
However, I was still lacking this trust that most kids have when they are five years old; a firm and strong belief, naive but strong. 

So again, God made me realise something which was in front of my face for about twenty days. You see, when I got to China, I was hoping for some Individual Coaching from some players, they usually cost around 100-300 rmb, 300 if you get ripped off. However, I seriously didn't want to spend money, one because I am stingy and second because I was already training at night and that was sufficient enough. Even if I receive Individual training it would be on off days where it doesn't interfere with my training.  

However, One day a player came up to my room, quite stalkish I know, but he came up to my room and asked if he could have a hit with me. At first my mother was reluctant to say yes since he encapsulated the room with the smell of smoke. But I went along with it. After that one training session, he has been coaching me individually everyday for free on the condition that I'll be his English tutor after training. 

So one night, after training with my new found coach, I realised something. This was some sort of miracle God has given to me. I don’t know what classifies this to be a Miracle, maybe because I really wanted coaching but didn’t want to spend money. I guess I am pretty shallow labeling things as Miracles and what not, but I truly believed that God has his hand in this one. To be training every day with the third best player out of 4 million people living in Xi'an is pretty cool to me and God-friendly. So out of this experience I learn that something so rare can be overcome by God.  His blessing are overbearing, I never asked be trained for free every single day, but he has brought it upon me and as return I am able to connect with this kid even more and tell him I may be a Christian :). 

And so we come to this morning, Sunday morning, this was the sole reason why I am writing all this to you. As I was wallowing in my bed thinking about the Score, again. So often we all forget this one thing when our circumstances are going well but we aggressively beat up this one thing when our lives are bad. Before every single exam, I prayed.  I prayed for my friends and church buddies to do well and I prayed for myself to do  well. That being said, God was with me for the entire thing, I wasn't nervous going into the exams and going out of the exams.

And then it hit me. The score I am about to receive isn't my score, its God's score. I have no right to be all up about myself nor down and beaten up.  I did my best and God did the rest and so because God did the rest, I have no right to complain nor be scared about the Score I am about to receive. Cause whether I like it or not, He Always has a Plan for me, Always In Control and will never ever abandon me. Tomorrow when I receive my score I can only thank the true creator of the blessing he had given to me the past eighteen years.


"It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8